An Interview with Gila by Robert Hood:<\/p>\n
RH: Welcome once again to the Backbrain, Gila. How\u2019s it feel now that the film\u2019s in the can and has even premiered.<\/p>\n
Gila: Feels great! I got a bigger hole in the ground than I useta have \u2014 and a holiday hideaway at Malibu that I bought the other day in anticipation of the profits\u2026<\/p>\n
RH: Well, that\u2019s wonderful. But I guess what everyone wants to know right now is \u2014<\/p>\n
Gila: Did I mention my Malibu condohole is right next door to Godzilla\u2019s radioactive slag-heap?<\/p>\n
RH: Um, no, you didn\u2019t. That\u2019s exciting. He\u2019s a big celebrity.<\/p>\n
Gila: Big celebrity! The guy\u2019s a loser! King of the Monsters, my ass. He\u2019s gettin\u2019 all high-\u2019n’-mighty and we\u2019re still waitin\u2019 on his new movie to make any sort of noise at all.<\/p>\n
RH: Comes out in 2014, they say. It\u2019ll be a big theatrical release. Huge.<\/p>\n
Gila: Pah! My giant monster buddies willa gone on our scheduled \u2018pocalyptic rampage by then and there won\u2019t be no cinemas left standing.<\/p>\n
RH: Rampage? Really? Which buddies are these?<\/p>\n
Gila: Oh, you know \u2014 Hostie from Korea\u2019s takin\u2019 another shot at it, Fin Fang Foom from China\u2019s makin\u2019 a comeback (or so he reckons), an Old One you mighta heard about \u2014 Cthulhu, the Eater of Men\u2019s Faces or somethin\u2019 \u2014 he\u2019s heard the Call again \u2014 and \u2026 Hey, you\u2019re not gonna publish any of this, are ya? This is all off the record.<\/p>\n
RH: No, no. Confidentiality\u2019s my middle name.<\/p>\n
Gila: Better be. Don\u2019t want the authorities to hear about it. They take a dim view of \u2018pocalyptic rampages.<\/p>\n
RH: Getting back to the point of this interview, the producers are trying to get your new film onto the SyFy Channel for Christmas. You excited about that?<\/p>\n
Gila: Sure. Christmas. Perfect time.<\/p>\n
RH: Why\u2019s that?<\/p>\n
Gila: I wanna do my bit ta destroy human civilisation and everyone\u2019s in a relaxed sorta mood in the aftermath of the pressies and roast lunches and lollies and shit. Get \u2018em while they\u2019re weak an\u2019 susceptible, I always say.<\/p>\n
RH: The film\u2019s going to destroy human civilisation, is it? I thought it was a good movie.<\/p>\n
Gila: It is! Bloody damn good. [He leans close. I gag from a wave of lizard breath] But there\u2019s these secret messages hidden deep in the subtext. Has ta do with hypnotism and subliminal commands \u2014 crap like that. Cthulhu\u2019s an expert at infestin\u2019 scripts with coding that\u2019ll prepare you puny humans for the Time of Destruction. All parta the Plan.<\/p>\n
RH: The apocalyptic rampage plan?<\/p>\n
Gila: That\u2019s the one. [He frowns. It looks real weird on a lizard.] Hey, ya can\u2019t publish anythin\u2019 about the Plan.<\/p>\n
RH: No worries. Listen, ah, I have to go now. There\u2019s a couple of guys from the military I have to talk to.<\/p>\n
Gila: Geez, that was a quick interview.<\/p>\n
RH: Yeah, sorry. Anyway, good luck with the campaign to get Gila! on SyFy. I\u2019m sure my readers\u2019ll be right behind it.<\/p>\n
Gila: I hope so. Mebbe we can do another interview next year \u2014 no, no. That\u2019s no good. The whole world\u2019ll be a smoking ruin by then. You happy with interviewin\u2019 me in the wreckage of ya house?<\/p>\n
RH: What? Wreckage? Um, sure. Pleased to do it. I\u2019ve got to go now.<\/p>\n
[I run to the car, jump in and take off down the road. I half expect him to chase me, but when I look back he’s busy eating a huge vat of burritos…]