Recovering heroin addict Mia and four associates head out to a remote location where the token geeky friend reads aloud from the Book of the Dead. The horrors of cold turkey are quickly usurped by the horrors of demonic possession. Cue buckets of blood and tree rape.<\/p>\n
Do you really need us to tell you? Using the very latest Cern-tested atom interferometry, we can reveal that Evil Dead is precisely, exactly \u2013 in the coldest atomic terms \u2013the film that you were expecting.<\/p>\n
In common with most contemporary horror franchise reboots (see Zack Snyder\u2019s Dawn of the Dead, Rob Zombie\u2019s Halloween prequel, the Michael Bay-produced Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake), the 2013 model is slick, efficient and realistic. It\u2019s fine. It\u2019s dandy. It\u2019s grand. It\u2019ll make stacks of money.<\/p>\n
This shiny new version retains enough of the original features \u2013 same approximate story (with a dash of Evil Dead 2 ), various demonic shenanigans, a cabin in the woods \u2013 to appease anyone who recalls watching a banned VHS copy in a drunken stupor during the 1980s.<\/p>\n
The more discerning consumer, however, may have cause for complaint. They might, for example, note that if we stitched the five perfectly competent stars of Evil Dead 2013 into a human centipede arrangement, they still couldn\u2019t muster the charisma of Bruce Campbell\u2019s unwanted dandruff. A true horror aficionado might also yearn for the humour, intellect and novelty of the 1983 film.<\/p>\n
Whatever happened to fantasy and invention? You know Hollywood\u2019s insistence on realism has gone too damned far when Evil Dead \u2019s famous horticultural molestation sequence now looks like docudrama.<\/p>\n
To be fair, Uruguayan shorts director Fede Alvarez honours the original and slavishly works in every famous scene. As with everybody else involved, the director does solid, dependable work interspersed with a reliable scare quotient. It\u2019s commendable that producers Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell, returning to the franchise that spawned them, brought in a film-maker with DIY nous.<\/p>\n
But it\u2019s just not the same as real DIY. Where is the love? Where is the heart? The appeal of The Evil Dead was it\u2019s B-movie swagger, it\u2019s handcrafted stop-motion effects, and it\u2019s lovely imperfections. It didn\u2019t need naturalism; it had soul. It didn\u2019t need a $17-million budget; it had Bruce.