Back in the early 90’s, when the world of “Skinemax” was just beginning and most of the films back then either starred Shannon Whirry or Shannon Tweed, there was a little sub-genre of the B-movie experience called the “bikini movie.” This film, “Beach Babes From Beyond”, falls into that category. There were so many “bikini” films made during that period, it was unreal….they single-handedly kept “USA Up All Night” on the air and kept Gilbert Gottfried and Rhonda Shear gainfully employed.<\/p>\n
The premise of this movie is simple: take three intergalactic space babes, supposedly on a shopping spree with Daddy’s spaceship and Daddy’s money, and crash-land them on the sunny beaches of California. That should be it right there….the rest of the movie should deal with them attempting to have sex with as many surfer dudes as possible and go home happily satisfied. Instead, we get a variation of STSWB, or “Save The Something With Breasts.” A simple plot device, actually. In order to save a (carwash\/hotel\/drive-in\/old decrepit house) from (destruction\/a buy-out\/foreclosure\/an evil relative), a group of girls get in bikinis and try to raise a certain amount of cash in a very short time. It’s a tried and true formula that works every time.<\/p>\n
The girls offer to enter a bikini contest in order to raise the money. We need an antagonist, so enter Linnea Quigley, a B-movie legend, to send her legion of bikini-clad models in to win the prize. We know how it ends (the good guys always win, you know), so let’s not dwell on it.<\/p>\n
I had to pop in the tape of this film again to make sure I gave it the correct grade, and fortunately I did. Here’s your chance to see Nikki Fritz before she became a soft-core film staple, and the cast is littered with the relatives of actual A-list actors. I guess riding coattails wasn’t enough for these folks, they actually want to work for a living!<\/p>\n
This film comes in way behind “The Bikini Carwash Company” in the “bikini film” category. In my opinion, “Bikini Summer 3” is barely (and I do mean BARELY) better than this movie, and that’s not saying much.<\/p>\n
Women: C (The women were okay, nothing spectacular. They looked like I could walk down the street and probably bump into one of them. In films like these, that ain’t good.)<\/p>\n
Sex: D (Sex? If you call hugging gently while naked, but no actual movement going on “sex”, then go right ahead–but I won’t.)<\/p>\n
Story: D+ (STSWB movies don’t do well with me unless there’s a whole lot of slapstick comedy, as there was in “Bikini Carwash Company.”)<\/p>\n
Overall: C- (Barely a passing grade, saved from failure by Linnea Quigley’s funny character, the only one with any real development. Don’t get me started on old “Uncle Bud.” His “aging hippie\/surfer dude” character is too one-dimensional.)<\/p>\n
In short, if you’re channel flipping and happen to stop on it randomly, then watch it. If not, it’s okay….you won’t be missing much.