Country Cuzzins (1970)

This Harry Novak produced example of 1970’s sexploitation concerns comedy more than coitus. Like most soft-core porn, “Country Cuzzins” exposes the gals more than the guys. Occasionally, you’ll see male genitals, but there are neither erections nor penetration scenes in this low-budget, 90-minute, drive-in sex saga. Primarily, the women are shown naked with breasts and beavers bared for the fun-loving, horny guys. Watching this movie you get the impression that writer & director Bethel Buckalew of “Tobacco Roody” must have seen an episode of “The Beverly Hillbillies” because the story involves a wealthy relative who visits her cousins at a farm and winds up reciprocating by extending an invitation for them to visit her in the city. Interestingly enough, the city cousin starts off behaving haughty, but when everything is said and done, she ends up liking her country cousins.

Country girl Billie Jo Peabody (sex starlet Rene Bond of “Teenage Sex Kitten”) bares everything on the farm after she gets dirty while fighting with her big sister Jenny (Pamella Princess of “Southern Comforts”)who doesn’t like the idea of Billie cavorting about with the guys while she has to tend the pigs. Billie is upset that Jenny got her dirty, so she strips to her bare flesh in the middle of broad daylight and splashes herself down with a water hose. As she is refreshing herself with the water, wetting down her breasts and groin as well as suggestively drinking out of it, her two brothers Jeff Peabody (one-time only actor Mark Buckalew) and his very dense sibling Jeeter Peabody (mustached Steven Hodge of “Below the Belt”) ogle their naked sister. They chase her and pin her down at one point, but nothing happens among them. This opening gambit is followed by a proclamation by Grandma Peabody (a none-too-convincing Zena Foster of “The Corpse Grinders” in an obvious wig) that she wants to gather her family around her because she thinks that she is about to die. The patriach of the clan, Uncle Fester Peabody (Jack Richesin of “The Doll Squad”), rounds everybody up, including the ultra-horny Leroy Peabody (John Tull of “Midnite Plowboy”) who rolls around with at least three honeys, for this porch talk.

Everything changes when the Peabody’s cousin, Cousin Prudence (Ellen Stephens) arrives in a long, black, four-door car that her kin folks mistake the Presidential limousine. Prudence samples a glass of moonshine after Grandma scolds Fester for not pouring her shine in a glass rather tahn taking it from the jug. Prudence cavorts in a barn with cousin Leroy who shows her how to swing on a rope. Mind you, Prudence doesn’t shed a stitch throughout the film. Eventually, Fester orchestrates a chicken chase with a goat as the prize. Surprisingly, Prudence catches the chicken. Since she is hopelessly drunk on ‘shine,’ Prudence invites her country relatives to visit her, and Fester loads up the clan along with a pig and a goat and they drive off to California.

Meanwhile, Prudence belittles her country relatives to her friends. When she learns that they are going to visit her at her estate, she decides to throw a costume party and all her friends dress up like bumpkins while the country Peabodys appear in city apparel. Uncles Fester and the country Peabodys show up and discover that Prudence has provided a band to serenade them. Billie Jo meets a squeaky-voiced talent scout, Walter Wimpy (Buck Flowers of “Bad Georgia Road”), who gets Billie to strip for him so he can check her out. Before he leaves with his relatives to visit Prudence, LeRoy indulges in some ‘look and touch’ sex with a woman who fears that either her mother will interrupt their love-making or she will get pregnant.

Nothing really degenerate or dirty occurs in “Country Cuzzins.” As a sexy movie, it isn’t much to talk about, despite all of the copulating that goes on at the farm or in the city. Buck Flowers comes the closest to giving a performance, particularly when Rene Bond turns the tables on him. Yes, there is abundant female nudity, but nothing in the way of profanity or violence to complicate this shallow, often silly sex comedy.