One-Eyed Monster, the story of a blood-thirsty penis on the rampage. If you’re reading this blurb of a review, you’ve most likely seen other flicks that are like One-Eyed Monster. You may have seen Teeth, Bad Biology or maybe even Killer Pussy, so you’re probably pretty psyched to check out another flick with deranged genitals. And if you really enjoyed any of the above films, you should definitely give this film a look. If you didn’t like them, there’s no reason for you to watch this one. It’s just more of the same goofy genital humor.
A blazing meteorite/beam of energy type thing crashed into Ron Jeremy as he was star-gazing at the night sky. Not long after, the new found home of the alien entity is now on the loose (it detached itself) and on the rampage. Throw in some forgettable characters and situations, and you got One-Eye Monster. It’s basically just a slasher film with a killer penis on the loose.
There’s not much to be really impressed with in this flick. The humor is okay, with maybe a few smiles or giggles throughout. Though, I do have to admit the jokes, although pretty weak, are delivered with charm and it’s obvious all actors involved are pretty into the film. Well besides Mr. Napier. His character was either hit or miss. His long story, telling his bizarre memory of Vietnam was a total snooze. The black dude was like a bad soap opera star, and brought a forgettable serious role to the film. Actually whenever the movie tried to go serious, it fell flat. Almost everyone else played an OTT role and for the main part did an alright job.
A big gripe was the lack of nudity in this one. There was one scene of boobs, and I think that was it. If they had a scene where they showed a full naked Ron Jeremy, the house would have come down. Shame. They kept the nudity to one chick and the fake alien weiner. Also, the gore is very minimal. Remember in the trailer where the guy gets split in half? That, and a couple sprays of blood is all I can remember. That was disappointing as well.
I had high hopes for this new entry into the subgenre of genital horror, but I was let down once again. The jokes and silly acting was abundant so you may laugh a bit, but it’s just an average to below-average comedy. And as a horror, as it is a hor/com, it doesn’t do well there either. The gore was weak, the nudity disappointing and the situations bland and cliché.
If you’re easily pleased, and all you need is the idea of a killer penis to make you happy, you should be golden. But if you have experience with these types of movies, this is just more of the same. Just so you know where I stand with the above flicks that I mentioned, I enjoyed Killer Pussy (great nudity) and Teeth (bizarre dark humor) about equal, with this next and Bad Biology (tried way too hard to be funny) last.
Very Funny!
Author: arpy1469 from United States
2 June 2009
As B-Horror movies go, “One Eyed Monster” is a unique hit. You have to love Ron Jeremy…the porn star who refuses to take himself too seriously. The premise is almost unheard of. You have to watch “Pervert!” to find another movie where a detached penis is the serial killer. Of course, THIS movie is MUCH better because the actors do a much better job. “One Eyed Monster” is absolutely hilarious. It’s simple, stupid and completely enjoyable. And, oddly enough, when you consider the subject material, there is a veritable lack of nudity throughout the movie. Just that fact alone is amazing when you consider porn actresses Veronica Hart and Carmen Hart are also in the movie. There are a lot of lines which you will be repeating because they are just so silly. You gotta watch this!
Sounds better than it is.
Author: Paul Andrews (poolandrews@hotmail.com) from UK
31 July 2010
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
One-Eyed Monster starts as a bus-load of hardcore porn stars arrive at an isolated log cabin on a mountain, along with the crew T.J. (Caleb Mayo) & Jonah (Jason Graham) they are there to shoot a hardcore porn film. The star is ageing porn actor Ron Jeremy (Ron Jeremy) who has trouble getting his nine inch member up these days, while outside a strange burst of light from the night sky engulfs him. Back on set & in action with his ageing co-star Veronica Hart (Veronica Hart) his penis attacks her & then rips itself off Ron’s groin & goes on a mad killing spree as it tries to mate with all the nice young female pron stars on set. The trapped cast & crew assume that Ron’s penis has been possessed by an alien life-force & is trying to spread it’s seed throughout humanity by taking control of Ron Jeremy’s penis & having sex with as many women as it can. The only question is, can they stop it?
Co-written, produced & directed by Adam Fields this comedy horror is like a ten year old dream come true, a few naked breasts’s, a bit of blood & a one note joke about an alien possessed killer penis that I am sure will appeal to those with a rock bottom sense of humour but for anyone looking for a funny & witty horror comedy expect disappointment. At less than 80 minutes long One-Eyed Monster actually drags in places, the character’s have a few amusing one-liners every now & again but generally they are stupid clichés who irritate. The killer penis gets like a minute of screen time. All the kills are off screen. There are about two scenes with any actual nudity. For a supposed gross out horror comedy about an alien possessed killer penis running amok during a hardcore porn film shoot One-Eyed Monster is unbelievably tame & none eventful. To give it some credit the sexual innuendos, one-liners & double entendres can be quite amusing at times but does get a little boring by the end & there’s only so far penis jokes can carry a film. I won’t even bother picking holes in the script as it’s clearly not a film to be taken seriously even though at times one did get the impression that the makers were treating it all very seriously, too seriously in fact.
AS I already mentioned despite it’s premise & situations One-Eyed Monster is amazingly tame, I think only one actress bares her breast’s while no-one is killed on screen at all. There’s a brief shot a woman with a hole in her head & someone gets sliced in two but otherwise that’s it. The production values are reasonable, it looks better than one might have expected I suppose. There are a few homages here that are easy enough to spot including obvious ones from Jaws (1975), Aliens (1986) & Tremors (1990). The effects are alright but on the few occasion when you do actually see the alien possessed killer penis it looks like a fresh big long brown turd.
The acting isn’t too bad, ageing porn stars Ron Jeremy & Veronica Hart appear while porn starlet Carmen Hart also appears & is terrible. God knows what an old pro like Charles Napier is doing in this.
One-Eyed Monster is a film that has a magnificent & simply outrageous premise that in the right hands hands could have been the gross out horror comedy of the decade, as it is it’s a boring tame mess with only a few one-liners & sexual innuendo to recommend it. One-Eyed Monster is the type of film that people want to like (like Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus (2009)) for it’s sheer outlandishness but when it comes down to it the film itself is just poor.
