I really hate sci-fi movies that are supposed to go where no one has gone before–to coin a phrase–but this one’s still waiting for clearance to take off from the launching pad. And it never does take off.

Oh, I guess it DOES take off, in a way, because it’s about cars, or rather, as the intro shows, the president of the United States has shut down all the gas pumps in the land (and the bland music playing is a clue as to how the movie’s going to be). And you thought it was bad when your car is being repaired for just a day!

Of course, some idiots drive their vehicles anyway, known as “burners”, which is what the filmmakers should have done with this movie. But instead of doing something useful with their cars–like maybe running over the person who wrote this garbage–all they do is race each other, and then complain how they don’t get any “freedom”, yet they’re treating their autos even worse than The Dukes of Hazzard ever did. (And this is where the sci-fi premise ends, losing it’s promise of being a cross between The Road Warrior and the tv movie The Day After, as it sounded in the Tv Guide description when I saw it.)

**** POSSIBLE SPOILERS, but chances are you’ll never see this movie anyway, or you SHOULDN’T, so why should you care? ****

Just when you thought the most nerve-wracking thing in the world is having a cop follow you, the law here, known as the DVC, shoot at the burners, and yet they never hit anyone. Oh wait, in one scene they DID shatter someone’s windshield, but then in the next second the windshield had only one bullet hole in it. Duh.

This is one of the several dumb parts in the movie–not to mention the dialog–and the fact that the scenery never changes, EVER. At least in something like Psycho, the house is cool, but after seeing desert for even twenty minutes is enough to drive anyone crazy. Oh, I’m sorry, that’s a bad pun (“DRIVE anyone crazy”), but at least that pun is better than the film, except for the car mechanic Jill, who’s real cute.

Another dumb part is when the DVC is shooting at one person, but he keeps on driving around in circles, and then he has the nerve to get on his cb for help, saying “these guys are crazy!” But YOU’RE the one who’s driving in circles, making yourself easier to shoot at! Oh wait, there IS a difference between “crazy” and then being just downright “stupid”.

So, is there ANYTHING cool at all with this blah film, besides it ending eventually? Yes: the owner of the firebird stores it in a pretty neat barn that opens up, sort of like the Batcave. However, this detracted from the movie too, because during the ho-hum race scenes, I kept on expecting Batman himself to drive by, flipping everyone the finger.

“We have ourselves a legal weapon” is a really inspiring line, which I hope, after reading this, inspires you to go rent one of the Lethal Weapon movies instead, which are a million times better than this (probably, which I haven’t seen them all, but I doubt I’m wrong). Trust me.

The cars aren’t even much to look at, either, so go for a drive instead and/or test watch something better. (In other words, don’t be a “burner”.)