Hell Ride (2008)

Larry Bishop writes, directs and stars in this soft-core porn, plot less biker movie about nothing to do with anything. To call this one of the worst movies of 2008 is being kind to this garbage. Its one of the worst movies I have ever seen. I actually felt sorry for the girls, who probably thought they were in the making of a feature film. In all reality they’re making a porno. They walk on the set, maybe spend four days there, say some sexual related lines to disgusting old men — thirty years older than them — then take off their cloths and run around naked for the four days they’re on set. I can only assume this was Larry Bishops only way to get laid. You see shot after shot directly on girls asses. Shot after shot of Bishop walking up to some random chick and grabbing her by the crotch, as if he were shaking her hand. How this crap was even funded is beyond me. Why Tarantino has his name on it makes almost no sense, but he’s been slowly fading away since 1997, so I can’t say I’m surprised.

After 15 minutes, you get that awful feeling that only horrible (and I mean horrible) movies give you. When you see it in theaters, the pain you feel is amplified. After 15 minutes, I wanted to cry for being so stupid and wasting, not only my time, but my hard earned ten dollars. There isn’t one redeeming quality, or one moment in the movie that creates any kind of reaction or shows any kind of inclination that these people had any idea of what they are doing. If you don’t see naked women all that often, then I guess this movie would be for you. If you’re eleven-years-old, you will probably like it. You can’t even laugh at it, because every idiot making it was laughing about the crap they were making. The acting is awful, the writing is awful, the production is awful, and the directing is awful. It’s not even worth your time renting it to see the car crash. Stay away, stay very far away. You shouldn’t even be reading these reviews. I shouldn’t even be writing one.