Bolero (1984)

After years of being stuck at a strict boarding school, virgin Lida (Bo Derek) breaks free and plans on meeting a shriek who will take her sexual gift. After that doesn’t happen she heads off to Spain to try and bed a bullfighter. This notorious disaster is a complete mess of a movie that is so painful to watch that I’m sure many would be willing to jam knives into their eyes. The only reason no one would actually go this far is because of Derek and her beautiful, often naked body. There’s no question she’s a beautiful women and her husband, director John, loves showing her off. I’ve always been curious if he was just wanting to make money or if he had some sexual thing about seeing her with other men. The one thing this film has going for it is that a couple of the sex scenes are highly erotic. Outside of that the movie is pretty dreadful from start to finish. The 105-minute running time is very hard to sit through and there’s no doubt that the fast-forward button was invented for movies like this. One of the biggest problems is that the film, much like the Derek’s previous film TARZAN THE APE MAN, just keeps going and going and going without any real reason. I’m still not sure why on Earth either film had to run as long as they did and this one here is just one boring situation after another. We see Bo and her friend (Andrea Occhipinti) constantly talking about what they’d “like” to do yet we rarely see it. We have George Kennedy cashing a paycheck and looking incredibly lost as the chauffeur. The supporting cast also includes 15-year-old Olivia d’Abo playing a gypsy pretty well but I doubt many will be prepared for her full nude scenes where it’s obviously here and no double being used. The biggest fault of this film is just how poorly made it is and the spotlight has to be shined on John Derek. He certainly had the money to create good movies but why he chose the scripts he did and why he decided to direct them is beyond me, there’s no doubt that his wife was hot but sitting through the movies are a pretty rough job to matter how beautiful she is. How much pain one can put up with for the sake of beauty is certainly on full display here.