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Don’t Panic (1987)

This is a generally unsuccessful attempt by low-budget Mexican filmmakers to ape the “Nightmare on Elm Street” sequels, but although it is pretty incompetent it is much more lovable than most of those overblown American cash-ins. Instead of “Fredddy” we have “Virgil” who is a Roman epic poet. . . no wait, different “Virgil”–this one is basically the Devil (or something) who has possessed the best friend of the protagonist after a Ouija board session at the protagonist’s birthday party , and is using him (for some reason) to kill everyone else who was at the session, including the hero’s new girlfriend. So it is up to protagonist to rescue all his friends from evil. Luckily, he has a rose that has special powers because he gave it to his girlfriend out of pure love (something like that).

This movie tries really hard to be an American movie, making the protagonist a transplanted American attending an American school in Mexico City. The school has all kinds of ridiculous signs in English, like one promising to expel any tardy students! (So naturally when they’re tardy, the hero and is girlfriend decide to skip school entirely which apparently is much more acceptable). But my favorite part is the English teacher who goes on and on about Percy Blysshe Shelley, of all people, who she inaccurately says went crazy (as someone who once worked as an English teacher in Mexico, my head was left swimming). There’s also a scene where the protagonist starts sharing visions with “Virgil” when he kills people, so his alcoholic mom takes him to an optometrist(!) where she confesses to the good doctor, apropos of nothing, that she has a drinking problem.

Although it matches the characters lips and is pretty (unintentionally)funny, the English dub track is actually pretty hard to take after awhile. The voice of the girlfriend (played by an actress who is basically, to paraphrase “The Simpsons”, the non-union, Mexican equivalent of Heather Langenkamp)is like nails on a chalkboard and it eventually drove me to watch it in Spanish, lip sync be damned! It also has some pretty promiscuous teen sex (on only the second date!), but it’s strictly PG-rated sex with nary a nipple, while the violence is maybe a hard PG-13. Ironically, despite an obviously great effort to market this in the US, it got much more of a release in the UK, but thanks to recent “Horror from South of the Border” bargain box set we can finally now, uh, enjoy it north of the Rio Grande.