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The Nail Gun Massacre (1985)

After a young woman is brutally pack-raped by construction workers, a mysterious leather-clad vindicator (imagine the progeny of ‘Darth Vader’ and “The Wraith” as an audio-visual cue) stalks, then summarily gelds the attackers with galvanised nail gun precision.

I’ve seen some howlers and this is tough to beat for egregious shoddiness. Jagged editing and jump cuts that look like they’ve been made with a knife and fork, sound that only certain species of whale can detect with sonar-echolocation and paltry special effects (denim is apparently impervious to nails, whereby they hang limply like fashion accoutrements, despite the victim writhing in pain, clutching at a severely bloodied crotch) are but a few in a litany of feeble production values that will either have you terminating proceedings at the earliest juncture, or, laughing hysterically throughout.

No doubt inspired by “I Spit on Your Grave”, there’s really not that much substance in the storyline of which to speak, other than 80-odd minutes of, well, nailing. Too trivial to qualify as a criminal justice commentary, and not sophisticated enough to be dark humour, it’s amateurish, uncomplicated and unlikely to offend any but those with delicate sensibilities. If you enjoy those ‘so-bad-they’re-funny’ movies, then this should surely please. Others may want to avoid.