Nana-nana-nana-nana-nana-nana-nana-nana-Batman!
The last episode of The B-Movies Podcast here on CraveOnline was our all-Batman spectacular. In order to celebrate our excitement about The Dark Knight Rises, William “Bibbs” Bibbiani, Athena Stamos and I took a flavorful walk-through of all the Batman feature films to date. And while I have never been a fan of the Batman comic books, I find that I am a big fan of just about every one of the Batman feature films. Yes, I even have kind words for the frequently maligned Batman & Robin.
It’s now more than a rumor that Warner Brothers, following the release of The Dark Knight Rises, is planning to make yet another Batman feature film (making it the tenth), this time with a new cast and a new director, and largely ignoring the events of the last three Batman films. Yup, we’ve wandered back into the wasteland of the calculated reboot. The idea is to tie in this new Batman with a new Superman feature film, maybe a film with The Flash, and a few others, and eventually make a film about The Justice League of America. Since The Avengers made so much money, DC comics would be foolish not to imitate that model (i.e. make a bunch of prequel films, all leading into a monster-mash crossover event). And if Hollywood doesn’t care that it’s feasting on its own innards like the talking fox in Antichrist, then I guess I shouldn’t fret too much either. Reboot Batman we shall.
But how? Batman has been envisioned in so many ways, with varying degrees of success. We’ve seen the campy fun Batman, the noir Batman, the tragic Batman, the mainstream Batman, the crazy Batman, the early Batman, the introspective Batman, and the political Batman. What sort of Batman would work best next? What should Warner Bros. do with the character next, seeing as they intend to keep him alive anyway? Here are a few uneducated suggestions from a man who is fond of Batman movies, but who hasn’t read Batman comics.
I should perhaps state outright that my two favorite Batman films to date are Batman: The Movie and Batman Returns. Those two are pretty much polar opposite approaches to Batman (one being a broad comedy, the other a dank and kinky tragedy), but they cleave so closely to my interests as a filmgoer. What can I say? I like weird. So my first suggestion is to make the world of Batman less “real” and more “oddball.” Christopher Nolan has, with his three Batman films, added real palpable crime elements, and seemed to add real weight and emotional heft to the character. If the next film tries something similar, then it will only be compared to the excellent Nolan films, and inevitably fall short. No, a new aesthetic will be required. Make Gotham City a little unreal. Don’t explain Batman’s origins, and don’t depict how he built his gadgets. Make it more like the 1989 film, and less like the 2005 film. Show, don’t tell. Batman should already be a career vigilante at this point, and he should have his methods down. No more watching Batman find his feet, and question himself constantly. That’s what the Nolan films were for. By now, he should be secure.
By that same token, Batman should be an adult. Late 30s. He’s not a kid anymore. He’s figured out what he wants to do, and he does it. This is a conceit from the 1989 Batman that made that film stand apart. Batman had already gone through all the insecurity, and was now an adult who was doing what he had to do.
I’m serious about this: Shoot in black and white. Not necessarily the long expressionistic shadows of the Tim Burton films, but give the film a silvery texture. Think of the flat grey machines in The Elephant Man. That’s the look I’d like to see. An old-fashioned look. Batman is an old character, and an old-timey look could emphasize that. He hides in shadows and attacks without warning. Batman should be more like a ninja this time around. Rather than showing himself to evoke fear, he should intentionally remain obscured. In The Dark Knight Rises, Batman fights out in broad daylight. No more of that. I would even go so far as to suggest the costume should look less like the techno-armor, and more like the original drawings from 1939. I would go so far as to set the film in 1939, but I know that wouldn’t fly with most people.
Make Batman more resourceful. The guy carries a utility belt, and over the course of the nine movies to date, his gadgets have become increasingly elaborate. I would like to see a skulky Batman who can use lock picks, door jimmies, drills, and other practical heist tools to get around. He should be able to build stuff on a whim. Yes, I want Batman to be more like MacGyver. The gadgets seem to, these days, be all electronic scanners and computerized devices. That makes Batman too much like RoboCop. I’d rather see a guy using his hands to fight crime. Isn’t that one of the appealing elements of the character anyway? That he fights crime without the benefit of superpowers? By giving him elaborate technogadgets, you’re kind of giving him superpowers anyway. Make him a more hands-on superhero.
Give him little dialogue, especially when he’s in costume. I would prefer him to remain kind of mysterious.
Don’t reuse any of the villains we’ve seen before. I know that the main rogue’s gallery has been exhausted at this point, but we know all the others too well. Start fresh with a more obscure villain. That worked well in Batman Begins, as they selected The Scarecrow and Liam Neeson as the bad guys. For Batman Part 10, go for, hm… how about False Face, who was played by Malachi Throne in the 1966 TV series? He was a master of disguise, and could look like anyone. A nice character to have in a noir-ish old fashioned detective story. Don’t have Robin. If you want a compatriot, use Batgirl. Make the bad guy kind of fleshy and mildly unreal. Like an escapee from a Cronenberg film.
No love interest. Aside from Michelle Pfeiffer, no female counterpart has really seemed like a good romantic match for Batman/Bruce Wayne. Most of the films features Batman trying to gain a romantic regard with a woman who didn’t know he was Batman. And while the love story can give Bruce Wayne depth (the love story was particularly important to Batman: Mask of the Phantasm), they’ve all seemed like a distraction from the main point of the movie, especially in the very male-centric Nolan films. No girlfriends this time around.
The point of this new Batman film is to establish that he can live in the same world as Superman, right? And that Batman will be inducted into the Justice League, right? Well, if he’s established as being a rather inscrutable weirdo who can work on his own, it will better turn Batman into the proper “dark” character that the team requires. He should be the one who doesn’t speak a lot, and seems to be the one no one can quite understand. No one should know what he’s doing on the team. He should be the “small” character in a room full of superpowered friends.
Will Warner Bros. take any of these suggestions? Of course not. I have a feeling that the studios (and the fans) have an M.O. that skews less toward an atmospheric movie, and more toward an established fan-adored “mythology.” I can’t speak to Batman mythology, but if I were to make a Batman film myself, it would look like The Elephant Man, would feature a gross scene where the bad guy peels off his own face, and a quiet, mature Batman who leaves you feeling a little uneasy. Screaming Mad George could do the effects! Surely I can’t be the only one to want something like that.
Am I?
