Santa Claus Conquers The Martians

I remember seeing this movie a long time ago, way back before they installed the cup holders on the theater seat arm rests. You know, the good old days. All I could remember was the bright lights and colors, the green Martians, Santa was in it, and that “song” (S-A-N-T-A, C-L-A-U-S….)

The next time I saw it, I was a freshman in college and it was playing at the local pub’s Bad Flick Night.

Time was not kind.

It’s a kid’s movie, provided the kid is mentally deficient, a hostile brat and/or has short-term attention disorder. Either way, this one will appeal to them.

For the rest of us, there’s the issues of Santa-kidnapping Martians in BRIGHT green makeup and helmets that resemble Yul Brynner’s headgear in “The Ten Commandments”; other Martians that you either want to punch out (Dropo) or try and talk out of future acting opportunities (a young Pia Zadora-???); Santas that walk around saying “Merry Christmas”, despite the fact that Christmas is not even close; pop guns that immobilize people; polar bears that have extremely long hind legs; and blah, and blah, and blah…

But DOES Santa Claus actually conquer the Martians of the title, like it says? Yep, but he doesn’t hit, punch, kick, bite, scratch, claw or anything. Sorry kids, green blood does not flow here. You see, Santa puts in a Martian North Pole workshop and wins over the Martians with peace and good will towards men…and Martians too, I guess. He even makes lazy good-for-nothing Dropo a Martian Santa. GOOD; anything that will keep that nutcase on his own planet….

Two stars for SCCTM; one star for the Christmas spirit and another for the fact that it was half-price beer night when I went in that pub to see it again.