Hell Comes To Frogtown (1988)

ell comes to Frogtown is a film that follows one of the last virile men on Earth as he tries to impregnate as many women as he can in post-apocalyptic wastelands filled with dangerous characters, not least of which are the human sized frog-people that have evolved since the nuclear wars…

• Hell comes to Frogtown is not a comic book. • Hell comes to Frogtown is not a cartoon. • Hell comes to Frogtown is not porn. • Hell comes to Frogtown is a real movie. Made in the 80s and starring a recently deceased professional wrestler of Canadian descent who wore a kilt in his fights.

By now you are either in. Or so far out that your mouse is frantically moving toward the ‘Back’ button.

Rowdy Roddy Piper is the only ‘name’ in this cast of non-actors, his Sam Hell is identified early as being an anomaly in this largely impotent future, where virile men are as rare as a Bruce Willis afro and child bearing women are as famous and revered as Oprah.

Sam Hell is indeed that much coveted ‘young, dumb and full of…’ ideas about how to help humanity. So he and two female government operatives, one actually reasonably attractive and the other supposedly attractive head into the wasteland in a big bright pink car to get to impregnatin’.

Couple of hitches: Hell can’t just be spreading his seed willy-nilly (so to speak), so he has a large metal codpiece wired to give either an electric shock or a mini explosion to his nethers, triggered by the gals if he gets out of line. The other hitch is that apparently the maternal instinct of women has been sent into overdrive in a kind of ‘want what you can’t have’ way, and everyone that meets Hell is ready for luvin’.

Once the trio get to the titular Frogtown we learn that yes indeedy it is populated by real live giant frog-people who are ruled by the vile and corrupt Toady. The frog-people are just what you would expect from a low budget 80s movie named Hell comes to Frogtown, they have froggy heads and froggy hands with everything else human and the lips usually don’t even nearly sync with the dialogue delivered.

The sliminess is well captured though. Good job I guess…

For a movie with fertilization as a central theme there isn’t too much horizontal action going on, not even froggy style, and even when Hell finally saves his harem of delectable females all dressed in skimpy undergarments the nudity factor is kept pretty low, with the actresses playing the women all sporting the same ‘I left Arizona to be a big Hollywood star for this!’ look on their faces.

Perhaps the funniest thing about a film called Hell comes to Frogtown is that despite all I have written above they play it all pretty straight. There is no winking at the camera, no gonzo sound effects and no sly nods to Mssr Piper’s former wrestling career. This really is a film about a man who needs to save women from frog creatures so that he can bone them…