Don’t Go in the Woods (1981)

It’s hard to know where to start; the acting is abhorrent, even by badfilm standards. The ‘actors’ frequently talk over each other, repeat lines ad infinitum (one actress makes her way through the entire film with the words huh? and no!), cast members stand rooted to the spot as if reading a cue card.

The plot is non-existent, and I mean NON-EXISTENT, Friday The 13th looks like Lost Highway in comparison. A group of annoying teens (aren’t they always) trek through a forest as a wildman kills random people who have nothing to do with the plot!!! They’re just crowbarred in there. The most ludicrous being a wheelchair bound guy struggling to get up a woodland path ON HIS OWN! Why is he there? It makes no sense! The plot has so many holes, like why is there an undiscovered wildman living in a huge cabin in the woods that no one has ever seen before, why did he kidnap the baby, is the baby left in the woods to die (or, as I think it suggests, become another wildman, as if a baby has natural survival skills when left alone in a wood). Why do the police let the two survivors just wander off home on their own at the end?

The score is painful, jumping between country guitar, bontempi organ, and screechy horror soundtrack. The FX are lame, the direction is dreadful, the editing is childlike, the cast are all ugly. THIS FILM IS RUBBISH!

On a positive note, the film does contain an (unintentionally) hilarious over use of the name Dick.

I know, like myself, this review will only serve to inflame your need to see this movie, but please, do yourselves a favour, stay well clear. You have been well and truly warned.